Have you ever had to sit and listen to your boss’ jokes? Yeah, we all have. That’s the subject of this week’s boss joke:
When the boss returned from lunch, he was in a great mood. He called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.
Everybody laughed uproariously, except for one woman.
“What’s the matter with you?” said the boss. “Don’t you have a sense of humor?”
“I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”
Happy Monday! Ever wonder which part of the body would be the boss? Today’s joke reveals the answer:
When man was created, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.
The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up.
After a few days…
The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss.
This proved that you don’t have to be a brain to be boss…
Just an Asshole.
Feeling a little unmotivated at work? Here are some words to live by:
Always give 100% at work…
- 12% on Mondays
- 23% on Tuesdays
- 40% on Wednesdays
- 20% on Thursdays
- 5% on Fridays
And remember …….
When you’re having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them the bird.
Now get back to work.
Today’s Monday boss joke is a both a joke and a witty comeback all rolled into one. Enjoy!
The boss was complaining the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect from his staff.
The next day, he brought a small sign to work that stated, “I’m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door.
Later when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”
Here is a short and sweet one to start off your week:
An employee called his boss one morning to say he was calling in sick.
The boss replied, “Whenever I feel sick, I just have sex with my wife. That always makes me feel better. You should try it.”
The employee said, “Okay. I’ll give it a try.”
A while later the employee called his boss back. He said happily, “You’re right! It worked! I feel much better! By the way, you have a really nice house.”
Have you ever mixed family and work? Here’s a Monday Boss Joke to explain why maybe you shouldn’t…
A boss hosted a dinner party for staff and encouraged everyone to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one worker’s four-year-old daughter sat staring at the boss. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.
The boss checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. Finally, the boss asked the girl, “Why are you staring at me?”
Everyone at the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, “I just want to see how you talk out of your ass.”
Does your boss ever sit around with a lost expression on his/her face? Maybe this quote will help explain why:
“My boss is often lost in thought. That’s because it is unfamiliar territory.” -Anonymous