Author Archives: Lemon Juicer

Soul-Crushing Thought Police

Boss Type: The Thought Police

Some bosses just won’t tolerate any questions. It seems that they would rather have a mindless crew of zombies for staff than to suffer from the free-thinking antics of those that dare come up with solutions. If you have a boss that likes to crack down on anyone with a thought in their head, then this seagull clip from “The Family Guy” is for you. It was sent to me from a colleague that had an eerily similar conversation with his boss the other day. Hey – at least it’s the weekend!


Monday Boss Joke: The Boss’ Joke

Have you ever had to sit and listen to your boss’ jokes? Yeah, we all have. That’s the subject of this week’s boss joke:

When the boss returned from lunch, he was in a great mood. He called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.

Everybody laughed uproariously, except for one woman.

“What’s the matter with you?” said the boss. “Don’t you have a sense of humor?”

“I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”


Monday Boss Joke: Downsizing

In this time of cutbacks and austerity budgets, it seems there are downsizing announcements every night on the news. Let’s hope it doesn’t happen like in this boss joke:

Boss: “Experts say humour in the workplace relieves tension in this time of downsizing. So….. Knock Knock.”

Employee: “Who’s there?”

Boss: “Not you anymore!”


Bad Bosses are Universal

So, after a summer hiatus from My Boss is a Lemon, I have begun collecting stories and jokes to entertain you through the fall and winter (or spring and summer for those of you south of the equator!). Looking through the visitation statistics at the site, I was amazed to see the sheer number of people visiting from around the world. Seriously, looking through the visitation stats is like a world geography course. Believe it or not, people from 72 different countries have visited the site this year. That’s right – 72! You glorious people, you!

But, as happy as I am to have connected with people from 72 countries, it also means that terrible bosses are universal. It doesn’t matter what continent you are on, people there are suffering under the abuses of ridiculously stupid and controlling bosses.

So, let’s keep up the fight, my friends. Let’s continue to expose the poor behaviour of our bosses. Because, if there is anything that unifies people from around the globe, it is the universality of our crappy bosses.


Monday Boss Joke: Parts of the Body

Happy Monday! Ever wonder which part of the body would be the boss? Today’s joke reveals the answer:

When man was created, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up.

After a few days…

The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss.

This proved that you don’t have to be a brain to be boss…

Just an Asshole.


Monday Boss Joke: Giving 100%

Feeling a little unmotivated at work? Here are some words to live by:

Always give 100% at work…

  • 12% on Mondays
  • 23% on Tuesdays
  • 40% on Wednesdays
  • 20% on Thursdays
  • 5% on Fridays

And remember …….
When you’re having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them the bird.

Now get back to work.


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